Life as we know it.

I've been on Christmas break since about a week ago. I'm soaking up all this time at home by waitressing at the restaurant my aunt owns (the same one I worked at this summer.)  That job was probably my favorite job that I've had thus far.  I love talking to the people, and the people I work with are awesome. 

Finals went okay.  I got my first "C" of my life. UGH.  I might retake that class though to boost my GPA.  (that dropped from a 3.6 to a 3.2...double UGH.) It feels so nice to be able to relax and enjoy some time at home for three weeks before going back to school.

Mark drove two hours north of his hometown to come stay with me for a few days! We went ice fishing (yes, I live in Minnesooota.)  We also visited some of my family members and watched a movie.  His stay was a short two days, but I'll be headed south for about 3-4 days.  I get to "meet the parents."  OH geez.  I'm nervous and excited.  I'm curious to see where he grew up and what his home life is like! 





I've also been babysitting quite a bit.  My cousin, Michael, is 17 months old & just the cutest thing I've ever seen.  Last night we were playing trains on the floor in the living room.  He ran (or waddled) to the kitchen and I called for him.  I didn't get a response.  I got up and went to the kitchen only to my surprise...he wasn't there.  I called his name again and he slapped the cupboard door open and just giggled.  He was hiding on me! Geez. He's adorable.

Today I had a car appointment at a mechanic garage here in my hometown.  I needed a wheel alignment, and my heater fan was acting up.  My appointment was at 9am.  The guy JUST called me now to tell me my car is ready to be picked up.  (It's almost 3 o'clock.)  Turns out I had a broken bolt, and they needed to replace my entire cage on my fan.  SOOOO 207 dollars later... makes me sick. Mehhhh.  Great. Just what I needed before Christmas. 

On a better note, tomorrow night I plan on catching up with a friend from high school.  I'm going to her house about a half hour south of my hometown and making dinner together.  I haven't seen her since the Keith Urban concert we went to.  I'm pretty pumped to meet up with her!

Have a very Merry Christmas, all my fellow bloggers. :)

love. B.

Wedding Bells.

Last weekend I was home from college to go to my uncle's wedding.  It was so much fun; my family can get pretty crazy.  It wouldn't be a family event without some sort of weird hick twist.  They had red solo cups at the head table.  :/ haha...whatevs. Mark had a good time as well.  My family was very accepting of him. :)   

 

Head table.

 Mark and me

 All of the grandkids on my mom's side

 The whole gang!

 Me & my sisters :)

<3

Congrats Mr. & Mrs. M! :)

finger pointing and dashboard drumming.

life. has. been. crazyyyy. 

This is going to be a random rant, jsyk. :) k? good.

The whole RA thing is great.  I  can't say it enough; I LOVE my job.  This has opened my eyes to so much.  Things I was so naiive to, so many things that I ignored, and things that I didn't even consider.  The students that live on my floor are my age.  (I'm young for my year in school...Thank you, July birthday.)  They've taught me so much though...about life, living, stress, relationships, parents, home life, academics, study habits, alcoholism, mental health...the list is endless. 

School is kicking my booty.  I'm studying so much lately, I think my brain might spontaneously combust.--> did you catch that? chemistry, anyone?  I have a organic chemistry test friday the 2nd, a calculus test monday the 5th, and then FINALS!  I just have to figure out how I'm going to survive organic chem, physics, calc, and genetics finals.  Geez freakin' louise.  BUT then its Christmas break for almost a month.

I'm missing my friends from back home probably more than ever. (even though I saw a few of them over Thanksgiving break.)  I'm desperate for a mac n' cheese monday with Alissa, Ethan, and Dan.  I'm hanging onto the memories of the rope swing at Libby's house this summer.  I'm aimlessly staring at pictures on my bulletin board of rollerblading with Sam, boating/tubing on the 4th of July with my best friends.  Gahh.

I'm sick.  I'm not sure with what, but throwing up and a sore throat this week is NOT what I wanted while studying for massive accumulative tests.  I've been sleeping quite a bit, and drugging up on Nyquil before bed. I better get well soon, I have a big weekend ahead of me!


This weekend my uncle and his fiance are tying the knot! :)   Growing up, my uncle was always like my older brother.  We haven't had a wedding in our family in quite some time.  The wedding is in my hometown.  SO, I'm leaving college on Friday to go home this weekend, and not coming back until Sunday.  I'm pumped.  Mark is coming home with me, meeting more of my family, and will be my date to the wedding!  I have a feeling this weekend is JUST what I need in the midst of finals. [watch for a future post on this!]

I better be off to bed!

Love. B.

playing catch up.

I can't say it enough, but I wish I could blog more. I try and try to make time, but my life has been a mess... a hot mess... lately.  I finally have mustered up some time today to ramble off my life stories of the past month.  Be prepared. This is a long one.


Calc I is kicking my butt.  I've never gotten anything below a B before as a final grade, and I think this one might be the record breaker.  I'm not a very happy girl about this.

The first weekend in October my co-staff and I from my floor took our residents to the boundary waters on a camping/canoe trip.   It took 4 hours to get there.  We took 22 residents, and 4 staff members. It was a lot to prepare for...grocery shopping, packing, making reservations, getting people signed up... I felt like a mom of 22. It was insane.  It was a little chilly up there, but really pretty since it was beginning of October, all the leaves were changing.

 

Me & Bobbie Jo (my co-staff worker) :) on a hike on a random island.

 

 

 

Dinner one night :) roughin' it.

 

SO pretty!

 

Night sky

It was such a fun weekend, but roughin' it wasn't exactly my favorite part.

I got my ear pierced again... I am now up to eight piercings.

My uncle is getting married the first weekend in December. Pretty stoked.
  

This weekend is deer hunting rifle opener weekend.  I'm going hunting about half hour away from here with my dad, just like we do every year! Wish me luck :)

I now have a boyfriend :)  Mark, the friend I've told you guys about in previous posts, and I have had a "thing" for a month or so and then he asked me out on the 17th.  We've known each other since the first week of school freshman year in college.  He is probably my best guy friend here.  I feel so comfortable with him, and couldn't ask for more right now.  I'm literally the happiest girl on the planet. He's my favorite :)

 

On that note...as you can see in the picture, his jaw is wired shut.  He took a knee to the face in rugby practice a week before we started dating.  No kisses for this girl! haha. He gets them off on the 17th of November though! :)

Being an RA is turning out to be more and more of a rewarding job.  I'm finally seeing my role as an RA shape people lives, and actually impact people's perspective on why they're here and the decisions they make or how they want to remember college.  This is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

I had a girls night with four other girls from my floor last year. We went to Applebee's for half price appetizers.  It was SO nice catching up with those girls! I miss them tremendously, and it's crazy to see how far we've all grown and come in the past year.  Two of us live on campus, while the other three live off campus.  Some of us choose to spend the weekend partying, while others choose to keep it on the down low and stay in.  It's so weird to watch all of our futures unfold.  One girl celebrated her 4 year anniversary with her boyfriend last month, and another one is having issues with hers.  We all have boyfriends now, and are all living busy lives, but in the midst of the business we try to make time for each other...random lunch dates, sleepovers, and texting. 

L to R: Mackenzie, Katie, Brittany, Rachel, and me!

On October 24th I went to the Keith Urban concert in Mpls with one of my close friends from high school.  It was AMAZING.  We had lots of laughs, and good memories.  It was nice hanging out with her again. :)

 

Last night I went to the Skillet concert in here in Bemidji.  It was the best concert I've ever been to.  We have VIP front row tickets.  It was AH-mazing.  I went with my friend Jake.   I got quite a few really good pictures, too.  They performed my favorite song :) "Yours to Hold"  is probably one of my all time favorites.

 

Right now I'm on duty as an RA.  I'm also having a sleepover with my room mate from freshman year, Rachel. :) Sooo gotta go :) 

 

love. B.

Dear Grandpa.

It's been two years since we've spoken.  There are so many things I would have liked to say before it was too late.  I was just at your house two days before the stroke.  In my opinion it was far too soon.  I was just getting to that age where I realized time is precious; every single minute is a blessed one.  I remember back to that September day, it was a Sunday afternoon...one of the last weekends where you can feel summer fading out each night growing chillier.  I remember pulling onto 9th street  and thinking that I didn't have much time to visit.  I had places to be & errands to run.  Grandma was watering the plants around the outside of the house...typical.  She was filling the watering can from the big barrel that I used to play in.  I remember as a small child you telling me not to drink that water, and use it to make a sandcastle in my tractor tire sandbox you made for me instead.  You were sitting in your folding chair that was clearly outdated from the 70's smoking a cigarette in the driveway by the garage.  I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't hate cigarettes.  I stopped over to drop off jeans for Grandma to patch, & that was it.  As I stepped out of my car you greeted me with "How you doin' hot shot?" & proceeded to tell me to pull up a chair.  I couldn't say no now.  You always had a way with suckering me in for a good chat; almost making me feel guilty for lost time.  I sat there for an hour with you.  I thoroughly enjoyed our talk.  We spoke about my new classes, how school was going, how I was anxious for my senior year, how Zach was, and about my siblings.  I remember you talking about how fast my senior year will go and "When you leave that gymnasium in May, throw your hat high, and know that the world is yours, the world is truly yours.  You will be holding the world in your hands."  You never were philosophical with me, and I definitely wasn't expecting anything so deep that day.  With that being said I gave Grandma my pants I needed patched (the only reason I really stopped) and left.  I had to get off to work, so I said goodbye and I love you.  I was going to see you the following Friday for Josh's 5th birthday party anyway so I didn't bother giving hugs.  This I regret tremendously.  It was Wednesday the 23rd, Josh's birthday.  I realized at school that I needed those jeans & knew that Grandma was done with them.  So I stopped by after school quickly before yet another shift at the Americinn.  I expected you to be on the couch dozing off, watching an old western with a cigarette and a sandwich.  As soon as I pulled in the driveway I knew something wasn't quite right since Grandma's car was in the garage...meaning she was home rather than at work.  I walked in the house & Grandma was making phone calls and crying.  I remember that big hard pit in my stomach.  I immediately went to the living room to find it empty.  I cried right on the spot.  What was going on?  How come I'm the last to know? Why didn't someone call or text me at school?  Grandma got off the phone & muttered something about a stroke.  She went on to say that you were air lifted to Hennepin County Medical Center stroke unit in the cities earlier this morning.  They weren't sure if you were going to be okay.  This was happening wayyyy too fast. I was in complete denial.  This wasn't fair. I felt so guilty.  I didn't even give you a hug or anything on Sunday.  I remember as a pre-teenager dreading that this day, but knew it was sadly and only a matter of time.  Things were looking slightly better as the week went on.  You were sedated, but still breathing. Thank the Lord.  The doctors were slowly making progress on you.  On Saturday night at work, my dad called me to ask if I wanted to go to the cities with him to visit you.  I was hesitant because we'd have to leave at 6am (I had to work until 11pm that night) But I said I would because I knew this obviously wasn't a good situation.  It was a Vikings game day in the cities that Sunday.  Grandma & Jerry didn't want to brave the traffic.  So it would just be me & dad.  Perfect. I hadn't had much father-daughter time lately anyways.  I was almost looking forward to it; after all, things were looking up.  I slept the entire way to the cities.  Upon getting to HCMC it was a 10 minute walk from the parking ramp to your room in the Stroke unit.  I was getting so eager and impatient to finally see you, hoping, just hoping you'd be awake today to talk with us.  I remember walking into the unit and looked up at my dad to see where he was about to take me...he knew right where your room was.  To my surprise dad was frozen in his tracks.  His face was pale and numb looking.  That big pit dropped my stomach again, and my throat got tight.  A nurse asked if we needed assistance & who we were looking for.  My dad just pointed to what was supposed to be your room.  I could feel my throat closing and eyes welling with tears when I saw the 15 medical staff in your room and your body flopping like a fish on the bed.  My knees got weak.  I wanted to rewind.  This couldn't possibly be happening.  That was you, MY Grandpa.  This was my senior year in high school.  We just talked about this a week ago.  The nurse quickly grabbed a doctor.  The doctor said you were under cardiac arrest at the VERY moment and that we could go in to onlook...Was he fucking retarded??!! Yeah, I totally want to see you like that.  NOT.  I burst into sobs & ran away.  They brought us to a private waiting room down the hall.  I pulled myself together for my dad's sake.   I know he hates seeing me cry.  An agonizing 20 minutes passed.  A foreign doctor came in to say that they couldn't revive you and that you were barely making it on life support & asked my dad if he knew your final wishes. OH MY GOD. This cannot be happening.  My dad made a few phone calls and Grandma & Jerry left the house immediately.  The doctor said there was only a 10 percent or less chance of survival.  He said we were welcome to go in the room and say our goodbyes to you.  I have never cried so hard in all my life.  I never ever expected this so soon or wanted this.  You were only 68.  My heart was breaking with every step I took toward your door.  I went for a walk while dad spoke with you.  My dad called me to say that I could come say goodbye.  You looked so peaceful, yet my emotions were so distraught.  The chair was just as wobbly as my emotions.  I held your hand.  You didn't have a mustache.  That was another first...never saw you without that.  You were yellow, jaundice like, and didn't even come close to looking like your plump self, much skinnier.  I didn't understand how this happened half a year ago...and now it was turning into reality all over again.  We weren't going to be able to take you home this time.  This time it would be a different "home;" heaven.  I cried and said how sorry I was for not coming to the hospital sooner.  I was bawling.  My eyes stung so badly.  At that moment in time I knew, being your eldest grandchild, I had to man up and just say goodbye already.  There wasn't anything anyone could do to turn this around.  Your brain was much too damaged to fix.  Dad was staring out the window holding back the tears.  He was trying to stay just strong for me.  As I said "Goodbye Grandpa, I love you,"  the breathing tube settled and the EKG went flat.  You passed as I was holding your hand.  Dad held me in his arms for minutes; we cried together.  In all 17 years of my life I've never seen my dad shed a tear. Not once.  He told me how glad he was that I came with that day & how much he knew I meant to you.  The funeral was the following Wednesday; It meant so much to me to have Alissa sing at your funeral.  I was hurting though.  This wasn't fair.  I wanted you to see me graduate high school.  I wanted you to witness the monster deer I will someday harvest.  I wanted you to approve of my fiance. I wanted you to be at my wedding. I wanted your to see my children someday.  There is so much that goes on in my life that I still get so excited to go home and tell you...Like when I decided on Bemidji State.  Dad said that you have always had lifelong connections with Bemidji, the land and history.  & when Grandma fitted my senior year prom dress...you always looked forward to seeing the final product come prom season.  & last year when I got a 96 on my Chemistry test. Geez.  When I go to "Grandma's house," sometimes she isn't there.  It is SO weird to me, still.  I can't bring myself to sit in that spot on the couch.  That's your spot.  I can't bring myself to go in that room in the basement where all of your old hunting stuff was.  Or your garage stall.  My throat still gets dry when I go into Grandma's room and the bed is still slightly askew on your side of the bed; so you could get up in the middle of the night comfortably.  Or the pictures Grandma still has up...& more & more are around the house now that you're gone.  Or this year on my birthday...the minute I woke up, I didn't think about how fun of a day I had planned, instead I thought of you first.  How I didn't get to call you or stop over on OUR birthday.  I would do almost anything for just another hour with you.  There are so many stories I was hoping to hear.  Lessons to learn from you.  I miss you so much.  Save me a spot up there. :) 
Love. B.

finally. figuring. it. all. out.

 

:)

 

I seriously LOVE this.  I've put up with too many people that need to get their priorities straight.

 

Next tattoo? Maybs.

 

Dandelion wishes. <3

 

I WANT THESE.

 

...

 

I've been eating everything in sight lately. gahh. GS cookies! 

 

I would do almost anything to take a bubble bath.  These dorm showers will be the death of me.

 

I'm in love. 

with big tee shirts. 

I wish they could be considered appropriate in public. ha.

woww. I just realized how girly of a post this is.  Typical.

love. B.

Checkin' in.

Holy Moly.  I got to thinking yesterday about how I'm really really lacking on blogging.  I'm going to try to be better about it starting riiiiight meow. :)

A little update on life:
*I absolutely LOVE being an RA.  It's so time consuming, but SO rewarding. 
*I've managed to squeeze in working out this past week, and I'm trying my hardest to keep up on that...I didn't know how much I missed it until I ran on Sunday.  MAN, was I sore this week.  I lifted weights for the first time on Sunday in forever.
*One of my residents that I'm pretty close to already broke up with her boyfriend of two years yesterday.  Everything she's going through I can relate to so far, and I'm praying for the easier road ahead. I keep telling her it's rough now, but it WILL get better.
*I'm wanting new music right now.  Lady Antebellum, Brantley Gilbert, and a few random songs...I need to get on that.
*The guy I've had a "thing" with for the past two months kind of fizzled out this week.  His loss.  We're still keeping in touch and hanging out.  He's a cool guy and all, but I can't make anyone be "ready" for a girlfriend.  & I'm okay with that. I firmly believe God has a plan.
*On that note, there's another guy I've been somewhat crushing on. :)
*My floor is taking a camping trip to NE Minnesota the weekend of October 1-2.  I'm pretty pumped.
*I have a massive calc-based physics test today. woo! not....
*I'm back to picking my hangnails.  8 of my 10 fingers are raw or bleeding/scabbed. boo..*I'm running on 4 hours of sleep and 6 cups of coffee right now.
*I went home for dinner this past weekend. I got home at 4pm and left at 10pm Saturday.  I've missed my family so much.  I cried when I left. :/
*My baby cousin, Michael, is walking! :)
*I miss my friends from home. SO. much.
*I got all of my laundry done yesterday.
*I've gone to my Glazed (a ceramic studio...aka my favorite place ever) 2 times since I've been back to college, and I'm pretty stoked to go again today!
*I've been mapping out the rest of my college career in undergrad, and I miiiight graduate a year early with a biology major, chem minor, and pre-dentistry program requirements. BUT I miiiight study abroad my "senior" year.
*It's family weekend this weekend here at BSU...Sooo as an RA I have to stick around most of the weekend and be a good role model. baha.

That's all for now folks!

Love. B.

Just one of those days...

Meh. FML.


Misery cover: Julia Sheer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpqR_PzddYM&feature=related


Wanted You More-Lady A...I WILL be getting their new album asap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQOrpl9jGCo

Reflection.

"Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, but until then... laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and believe in the future."


This quote really caught me off guard the other day.  I was just doing some blog creepin' and I stumbled upon this.  It really intrigued me, and made me think deeply.  I reflected on the past year and all that's happened.  Each and every single step of the way I was a little uncertain about something or another.  It was about a year ago that I ended a pretty serious two year relationship, moved away from home, and started college. 

One door closed and SO many more opened. 
 I started my other life.  It's weird, but I know many people can relate that they have two lives when they move to college.  You have your college friends and life.  & then you go home and have your old best friends...you act like nothing has changed and pick up right where you left off..you have your family and home.  Really though, the two lives rarely cross, and when they do, it's really really strange for a bit. 

For a while last year I didn't think things would ever fall into place.  Coming to school my life was completely turned upside down, and for the first 3 or so weeks I was not myself.  That ex-boyfriend of mine obviously wasn't in favor of the break up and made it living hell on me.  The second week of school I started hanging out with a new guy, and he hit a pretty big heartstring.  Gosh, was he hell on the heart or what?  We started dating in October, and needless to say...he ended it early April.  I still have NO idea why we stayed together as long as we did.  The ex and the new guy were polar opposites.  I put up with A LOT of shhtuff I probably shouldn't have with him; I should've stood my ground, I didn't though.  This was all a learning experience.  When he broke up with me in April, I was devastated.  It was hard for me to believe in the future.  I didn't feel I did anything to deserve feeling so shitty.  Today though, I have realized it was a blessing in disguise that he did.  Seeing him today, I can't picture a future there.  It is absolutely not what I want.  I definitely realized a little more what I need in a relationship after dating the two of them.  & they weren't giving it to me.

School wasn't too bad.  I managed to finish my freshman year with a 3.6 GPA.  My parents and I got along better than ever.  My siblings and I truly grew much closer after I moved to school.  My room mate and I became best friends, and I keep in close contact with her.  I made SO many friends last year, and they are all so great.  It is now obvious to me who my real friends are...from high school AND from college. 

This summer was interesting to say the least.  I worked three jobs and stayed extremely busy.  My parents and I grew somewhat apart because I was so busy.  At times they were unreasonable with me, and I kept my distance.  I don't think I'll be going home next summer.  I hung out quite a bit with a bunch of people from high school.  I developed close relationships with some people I didn't think I would ever get the chance to.  I spilled my feelings for a long time crush...and even though it didn't end up working out we are still really good friends through it all.  I was worried for a bit just because of the circumstances, but eventually everything worked out.  I had a mini falling out with a friend of mine, and I'm okay with that.  I began talking to a guy from college on complete accident, and I think it could turn into something...potentially. 

  This year has been flying by at lightning speed, and so much has happened.  I've made best friends with my co-worker on my floor, Bobbie jo.  I'm living the single life, and I can definitely tell I'm single now, that's for sure.  I see a lot of me in my  younger sister as she's growing up and starting high school.  School is getting HARD.  My classes are really demanding.  I LOVE my job.  It's probably the best thing that's happened to me in the past year by far.  The residents on my floor are awesome and I love getting to know each one a little more every day.

Right now, I'm focusing A LOT of my time on school and my job.  I'm really at a crossroads right now.  I was second guessing my career choice; which is something I've NEVER done.  Boys are just confusing and frustrating.  School is getting harder and harder.  I feel terrible, but I haven't been making much time for my friends lately because I've been so crazy busy.  For once I'm at a loss for words and don't know which way to turn.  & that's EXACTLY why that quote caught my attention.  I need to relax and see through the fog of all this confusion.  I need to live for today and not be such an avid planning freak.  I've learned that things don't always go as planned, and that's just life.  Lastly, I need to believe in the future.  I know God has great things in the making, and as hard as it is to take my own advice, I know I need to just chill out and know that everything will be okay.  The sun WILL come up tomorrow and the pieces WILL eventually fall exactly into place.


love.B.

Photo blog.

 

uncertainty.

 

Yes.

 

Love this.

 

Yesterday.

 

:) therapy.

 

SO true.

 

Pretty Please?

love.B.

Doneeee!

Day 30.
A picture of you and 5 things about yourself in the past month.

Finally. :) Training is done and the 30 day (that turned into 45ish day challenge) is done! AND I survived my first week of my sophomore year in college.  Thanks for all ya'll who have stuck with me through the past few weeks.  I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again...I've been extremely busy.

 

This picture was taken one of the first days of RA training.  I went fishing with my friend, Mark, and caught a massive rock bass. :)

Thing:

1. I've made lots of new connections/friendships with people.  I've learned 35 new faces and names (just within the residents on my floor.) AND I learned about 30 new staff member's names and faces over the course of training.  I love getting to know each person's personality and learning a bit about their lives.  It's kind of crazy how small of a world we actually live in.

2. I got a tattoo :)  Yep! Two days ago.  There is a meaning behind it; however,  I don't feel the need to disclose that just yet.

 

3.  I nearly broke my toe...I actually think it's fractured.  Monday the 15th all of the residential life staff went to a camp overnight and I totally wiped out running to first base playing wiffle ball. Pathetic, I know.  It's super bruised, still.  AND I have a huge scrape on my left knee.  

4.  I've learned that commitment is a big word for some people's vocabulary.  Some are scared of it, some aren't strong enough to do it, and some are ready for it faster than others.  Ugh.  

5.  Aaaand I thoroughly enjoy having my own room at college.  I mean, it gets lonely now and then, but I love coming home and being able to have my time alone.  & this means that it's as clean as I make it.  It's not like I have a room mate to make it messy for me.

love. B.

Home.

Day twenty nine:
An original photo of the city you live in.

 

This was taken from the fishing pier about a mile from campus.  Our campus is right on a lake; it's really nice just to go for a walk on the lakeside, go fishing, or go to the beach (well, before it gets -40 outside.)  This picture shows one of the water towers, and a hotel/the Green Mill restaurant.  The lake is gorgeous at night...the city lights on the water are to die for.

I can honestly say I found the college that fits me perfectly.  & not even just for the lake, duh.  The people, the atmosphere, the feel of the town, the programs offered, and the lake. :)

love. B.

:)

Day twenty-eight.
A "first" you've accomplished in the last 28 days.


I've gone skinny dipping for the first, second, and THIRD times in my life. :)

 Go me. baha.

love. B.

PS-sorry for the really short and lame posts.  I've been extremely busy with the whole RA thing.  I don't have any time to spare lately.  pwease forgive me?!

Busy Bee.

Day twenty-seven:
Photo blog of your choice.

love. B.