Reflection.

"Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, but until then... laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and believe in the future."


This quote really caught me off guard the other day.  I was just doing some blog creepin' and I stumbled upon this.  It really intrigued me, and made me think deeply.  I reflected on the past year and all that's happened.  Each and every single step of the way I was a little uncertain about something or another.  It was about a year ago that I ended a pretty serious two year relationship, moved away from home, and started college. 

One door closed and SO many more opened. 
 I started my other life.  It's weird, but I know many people can relate that they have two lives when they move to college.  You have your college friends and life.  & then you go home and have your old best friends...you act like nothing has changed and pick up right where you left off..you have your family and home.  Really though, the two lives rarely cross, and when they do, it's really really strange for a bit. 

For a while last year I didn't think things would ever fall into place.  Coming to school my life was completely turned upside down, and for the first 3 or so weeks I was not myself.  That ex-boyfriend of mine obviously wasn't in favor of the break up and made it living hell on me.  The second week of school I started hanging out with a new guy, and he hit a pretty big heartstring.  Gosh, was he hell on the heart or what?  We started dating in October, and needless to say...he ended it early April.  I still have NO idea why we stayed together as long as we did.  The ex and the new guy were polar opposites.  I put up with A LOT of shhtuff I probably shouldn't have with him; I should've stood my ground, I didn't though.  This was all a learning experience.  When he broke up with me in April, I was devastated.  It was hard for me to believe in the future.  I didn't feel I did anything to deserve feeling so shitty.  Today though, I have realized it was a blessing in disguise that he did.  Seeing him today, I can't picture a future there.  It is absolutely not what I want.  I definitely realized a little more what I need in a relationship after dating the two of them.  & they weren't giving it to me.

School wasn't too bad.  I managed to finish my freshman year with a 3.6 GPA.  My parents and I got along better than ever.  My siblings and I truly grew much closer after I moved to school.  My room mate and I became best friends, and I keep in close contact with her.  I made SO many friends last year, and they are all so great.  It is now obvious to me who my real friends are...from high school AND from college. 

This summer was interesting to say the least.  I worked three jobs and stayed extremely busy.  My parents and I grew somewhat apart because I was so busy.  At times they were unreasonable with me, and I kept my distance.  I don't think I'll be going home next summer.  I hung out quite a bit with a bunch of people from high school.  I developed close relationships with some people I didn't think I would ever get the chance to.  I spilled my feelings for a long time crush...and even though it didn't end up working out we are still really good friends through it all.  I was worried for a bit just because of the circumstances, but eventually everything worked out.  I had a mini falling out with a friend of mine, and I'm okay with that.  I began talking to a guy from college on complete accident, and I think it could turn into something...potentially. 

  This year has been flying by at lightning speed, and so much has happened.  I've made best friends with my co-worker on my floor, Bobbie jo.  I'm living the single life, and I can definitely tell I'm single now, that's for sure.  I see a lot of me in my  younger sister as she's growing up and starting high school.  School is getting HARD.  My classes are really demanding.  I LOVE my job.  It's probably the best thing that's happened to me in the past year by far.  The residents on my floor are awesome and I love getting to know each one a little more every day.

Right now, I'm focusing A LOT of my time on school and my job.  I'm really at a crossroads right now.  I was second guessing my career choice; which is something I've NEVER done.  Boys are just confusing and frustrating.  School is getting harder and harder.  I feel terrible, but I haven't been making much time for my friends lately because I've been so crazy busy.  For once I'm at a loss for words and don't know which way to turn.  & that's EXACTLY why that quote caught my attention.  I need to relax and see through the fog of all this confusion.  I need to live for today and not be such an avid planning freak.  I've learned that things don't always go as planned, and that's just life.  Lastly, I need to believe in the future.  I know God has great things in the making, and as hard as it is to take my own advice, I know I need to just chill out and know that everything will be okay.  The sun WILL come up tomorrow and the pieces WILL eventually fall exactly into place.


love.B.